Bring the rain

Here it is already Thursday! Seriously where does the time go?? The older we get the faster it flies--again my elders were correct with that little nugget of advice :)We're nearing the end of June and the weather feels like Fall--we all have on either jeans or sweatsuits...and Soph is in a winter footed sleeper to stay toasty warm today! CRAZY!! But onto the real reason for my post.

I am again at the bottom of, but working my way up, the Lord's learning curve. I debated on whether or not to share but hope that other's may draw some comfort from it.

First, some background that is significant. I have been preparing for a 5k on the Fourth of July. Daryl and the kiddos got me an ipod Shuffle for when I run and walk. I put praise and worship songs on there to enjoy and praise God while I run. One of the songs is "Bring the Rain" by MercyMe. I cry every time I hear it. It has become a cry of my heart:

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty


Little did I know that the rain was coming!

Daryl and I found out last Monday (June 9th) that we were expecting another baby--a VERY big surprise, but very exciting nonetheless! The truly funny thing in this is that I had come to such a place of peace in having three children and not four. I want Daryl and I to be united in all regards and if he was on the fence about a fourth child, then I had reached a place where my desire was not worth more than his. I had given my desire for a fourth child over to the Lord--just laid it in His lap and was truly content in every part of my being with the blessings that I have been given! I would hold babies, see pregnant women, etc and have no longing whatsoever to go there--and I praised the Lord for it! I even shared my excitement with Daryl as we drove home from Cincinnati on June 8th.

Then we found out a new little one was coming. And I was nervous--especially about how Daryl would feel.

Then Daryl shared with me that he and his Dad had been talking just a short time before this. His dad addressed his awareness of our struggle back and forth in having another little one. Everyone knew that I was for it, Daryl was on the fence. Dad said he often wishes he and Mom had gone ahead and had a fourth child--that the ones they have are such a blessing, a fourth would only have added to it. He shared his advice that if Daryl was still in the air about a fourth child, he would advise to welcome another little one. Little did he know what the Lord was already doing without us yet knowing!

So welcome a new little one we did! We started "planning" in our minds. We told no one and decided we would wait until Sophia's first birthday (July 9th) to share the news.

Then this Tuesday (July 17th) I began to have a miscarriage.

I've gone through miscarriages with my sister and sisters-in-law. I've cried with them, prayed for them, listened as they shared their pain. But I've only experienced it vicariously through them.

Now I know the tears, the prayers, the pain.

And despite all that I'm choosing to praise the Lord through it. Through the tears, the prayers, the pain. As in all things, we don't know His plans, His timing, His ways. But we learn deeper trust, hope, and faith through trials.

I don't know why it is that when I had come to a place of peace with three, He gave us four, then returned us to three. But I do know that His timing is perfect. I know that He walks with me and Daryl through this.

Already I've been given a deeper understanding for all those who have gone through this before me. And I pray that it will allow me to reach out in a more meaningful way to those who will experience this after me.

So I look forward to the day--upon entering Heaven's gates--when I get to meet this little one that I never had the chance to on earth. And in the meantime, "I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain but if that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus, bring the rain."


And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. -Romans 5:2-5

Rainy days

Okay, okay. I know that most of you check in rather frequently to see pictures of the kiddos. Trust me, I've heard "update your blog already!" more times than I care to count. Daryl misplaced my camera when we returned from our whirlwind Cincinnati trip, but thankfully I have a few backups in my arsenal of photos! I'm praying that I can find it soon--I've missed so many good shots this week!!

Rainy days are now the kids' favorite because they take the rainwater from the sills of the screened-in porch and do Sophia's 'do...it is quite funny! We've had a couple of rainy days recently so, needless to say, Sophia got all "dolled up". Brayden calls it "The Poof". Sophia actually enjoys it too--as long as they don't restrain her in the process :)